Opinion

By Séamus Smyth

Lindsay Lohan was hauled off to prison this past week for once again violating her parole.  It is astonishing how many times the above statement has been written in the past four or five years, but yes the Lohan circus marches on.

Here is a woman who, when not completely black-out drunk or higher than a 747, is beautiful, talented and has had plenty of resources at her disposal to become a major star. Amazingly, she has managed to flush it all down the toilet as if the cops were about to break in.  Yet, it no longer is her inability to avoid the Hollywood strip or refrain from alcohol and drugs that is most depressing about the latest dilemma that she has sniffed her way into.

Where Lohan’s latest embarrassing ordeal would easily have landed her on the cover of US weekly or would have called for a massive, sympathetic piece in People magazine as recent as 16 months ago, that is no longer the case.  Lindsay Lohan has officially become a has-been, a wash-up, and just another stumbling, drooling Hollywood cliché.  Yes, this girl is only 24-years-old and yet she has hit such a nasty version of rock bottom that an appearance on Dr. Drew no longer seems below her once revered status.

She hasn’t starred in a relevant, topical movie in years.  When she does appear in the paper without handcuffs chained around her wrists, she looks like a ghost of her former self. Her laughable music career was a stunt not a realistic career change.  The sheer fact that she actually released an album, video and single demonstrates just how “hot” but more importantly, bankable, Lohan was once upon a time.

Who was once one of Hollywood’s rising, young stars, she now isn’t even the number one punch line for crude, late night television hosts.  Li-Lo material became second-rate the minute Charlie Sheen uttered the phrase “tiger blood.” Similar to tastes, lovers and even life, we all eventually move on.  And the pop culture world has definitely moved on from Lindsay Lohan.

So what should an audience take away from years of watching Lohan throw sand in her own eyes and almost purposely drag her once glimmering star into the mud? For the handful of devoted fans (if they haven’t already converted to the Hillary Duff fan club), take comfort knowing Lohan will still have enough money to at least pay for her rehab, and eventually a psychologist when she realizes the irreversible damage she has done.
For those that have always remained indifferent to the former red-headed cutie-pie’s career, it should be noted how easily anyone’s shoes can be filled if they fail to get the job done.

Lohan was unique because of her waving, pumpkin-flavoured hair and her seemingly good-natured spirit.  But even Hollywood directors and producers can only handle so much flack.  “Looks like we need a new, hot red-head,” yelled the annoyed film producer to the endless assembly line of actresses, and out jumped Emma Stone.

Yes, she’s bubbly, potentially sexy, has a juicy crop of red hair, and you can bet your bottom dollar that this gal isn’t gonna’ screw it up like the clown she’s replacing.

So while the sad-sack tale of Lindsay Lohan continues to unravel, remember: there is always someone looking to take your place if you don’t show up to play.

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