Originally written October 31, 2011
By Séamus Smyth

Halloween has evolved from a children’s candy wonderland to an adult sex-fest filled with lust, exposed busts and men behaving like mutts.

Depending on your age, you’re either ecstatic or frustrated or completely indifferent to Halloween’s revamped image. The demographic that has truly benefited from this evolving pseudo-holiday are those, ranging from 18-35.

This outrageous day of scandalously clad women getting obscenely drunk until unholy hours of the night, it has placed a responsibility on the male populace that many have succeeded at, while others have predictably plundered.

This burden, this weight on the proverbial shoulders, is of course the quest to be as original as possible with one’s yearly outfit.

Oh how as a youth, it was so mindlessly simple. Throw on a moronic mask, a white sheet with holes poked out for vision perhaps, or for those true enthusiasts, facepaint featuring dollar store blood dripping down one’s candy-drenched lips.

Yet here in 2011, Halloween demands ingenuity. To show up dressed as a ghost or vampire oozes of procrastination, lack of imagination and worst of all, no game.

The horde of imitators is vast each year, which is why it’s essential that one seeks to stand out from the disorganized men who fail to capture the imagination of their peers.

Do you really want to be greeted by fellow Heath-Ledger style Jokers (damn it, Heath. I miss you) and discuss the exhausting process of transforming one’s face into that of a scarred lunatic? Or are you eagerly anticipating playing with the braids of the dozens of fellow pirates this Oct. 31 because you all decided to avoid the plank of the unknown and dress up as Captain Jack “asexual” Sparrow for the third straight year?

Think back to your favourite cartoon character or a television hero that you once obsessed over emulating as this could easily be your gateway to an unprecedented sense of individuality.

So begin some serious brainstorming and aim to stand out; I guaran-damn-tee it will make it a Oct.29-31 to remember.

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