Opinion
By James Pavel

5. Birthday – Katy Perry

Perry proves green hair, blue hair and definitely dark hair is the new blonde. It’s a Madonna song minus the crucifix-molesting and strange religious undertones. It sounds like what birthday balloons would demand as their theme song if they were allowed noise every time they were invited to a party. Perry does her best Marilyn Monroe imitation with a sexualized horse whisper that, along with the reference to her birthday suit, is so seductive it elevates this song from wholesome family fun to a stern PG-13.

4. Like it’s Her Birthday – Good Charlotte

Birthdays are ajar with excess: Too much booze, too much love and too high of expectations. It usually ignites into a colossal shit storm, especially when mixed with a little bit of drama-rama. A girl getting drunk on her birthday is the closest thing to witnessing dynamite being detonated. The Madden brothers have slept with a baker’s dozen of supermodels between them and yet their explanation of women’s birthdays is hilariously general – she’s so wasted. She’s acting crazy. It must be her birthday.

3. Birthday Cake – Rihanna

It’s not even her birthday, yet she’s bent over with an ice cream cake sitting on her arse. It has quickly become the international birthday sing-a-long for porn stars, strippers, and the occasional George Costanza, who can’t help but fantasize about combining sex with his or her favourite food.

2 .In Da Club – 50 Cent

It did more than just introduce us to rap music’s scariest bullet survivor or allow teenagers to more effectively disrupt their neighbourhood with a new earth-rattling instrumental from Dr. Dre. Suddenly, Bar Mitzvahs, BBQs and the shadiest clubs in town had a bombastic new addition to their aging soundtracks. Fiddy explains to birthday boys and girls the exciting dynamics of a night club, not excluding one-night stands, poppin’ ecstasy and smoking weed, all while looking like he could bench press a skyscraper.

1.Happy Birthday –Patty & Mildred J. Hill

It is the most popular song of all time. Seriously. The YMCA, the Macarena, and Gangnam Style can’t hold a candle to this crowd pleaser. It’s remarkable how nobody ever wants to sing it, yet the minute the cake is marched down the aisle like a glowing bride, the room erupts into a choir of chanting. Its simplicity is borderline idiotic, but it’s a ditty that literally everybody knows and is guaranteed to hear when their special day arrives.