edmontoncalgary

Opinion
By James Pavel

5. Billy Big Rigs vs. Bombay Bicycles 

In Edmonton, you drive a jacked–up, steel-balls, diesel-running, music-screaming, mother-truckin’, Billy big-rig. F 150s, Chevy Silverados, and GMC Sierras are the howling beasts of the north that remind everyone they’re in Oil Country.

In Calgary, the summer streets resemble the Tour de France. Everyone and their black squirrel cycle to work. They’ve even created bike lanes on main arteries to the city to accommodate this mass locomotive. In Edmonton, unless you’re parading down the River Valley, bikes are for the hardcore.

4. Calgarians have more material, Edmontonians have the best joke

Calgarians could perform a half-hour set of jokes strictly ridiculing the City of Edmonton. They are painfully relentless. I’ve heard “What is the best thing about Edmonton?” (Calgary Trail), no exaggeration, 3 million times.

But when the prairie snow settles, Edmontontians trump the southern cowboys every time. What’s the difference between the Calgary Flames and a bra? Thought so.

3. ‘Mony, Mony’

In Calgary bars, during every slight pause of Billy Idol’s “Mony, Mony” Southern Albertans roar “Get drunk, motherf*cker get drunk,” like a wild pack of booze-riddled banshees.  It’s obnoxious, rude and completely insane, which makes it rip-roaring fun every single weekend in Cow-Town.

Based on zero research, I have come to determine that this trend stems from waiting in line at the Calgary Stampede. How to freshen up an 80s’ classic for the entire lineup to enjoy? Why, drop a couple F-bombs of course.

2. ‘What’s Your Number?’

If you ask someone for their number in the northern chapter, they dial in the digits and press save. Done. You may or may not here from this individual ever again. In Calgary, after pressing save, the individual will call you so you now have his or her phone number on your missed call display. It’s the single, grandest example of shameless, buck-passing you will ever encounter. The ball is no longer strictly in the number-taker’s court. The ball has been placed directly in the centre, and it becomes a riveting, armpit-sweat inducing, blinking contest as to who will text who first.

1.Oiler Pride

“Let’s go Oilers” is the Edmonton National anthem. You could be dropping your child off at summer swimming camp on a Tuesday afternoon and suddenly, but not surprisingly, a “Let’s Go Oilers” chant erupts like a raging volcano. It’s a battle cry. It’s the common tongue. It’s also an urge that does not exist in Calgary. Outside of the Saddledome, I have never, ever heard a “Let’s go Flames” uproar. Calgary loves hockey, this I know. But when the Flames lose, the city still sleeps. When Oilers lose a bout, Edmontonians scream at miserable sports radio hosts about who to trade, who to fire and who to crucify at Rexall Place the next morning.

Edmontonians would actually hesitate if asked to sacrifice their first-born in order for the Oil to capture another cup. They would eventually surrender the child, and out would come a jubilant “Let’s Go Oilers,” chant heard from St. Albert to Nisku.

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