Archives for posts with tag: hot hockey players

Opinion
By James Pavel

5. P.K. Subban

Subban is caramel chocolate delivered from the heavens with flavour so pungent it makes Willy Wonka yearn to brand him. He is ushering in a new wave of top-tier defensemen, that has Habs fans cheering and women hollering.

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4. Erik Johnson

This blonde prince reigns from the United States, but has a crown of hair that swears it stems from the heart of Sweden. He’s a viking disguised as an NHL hockey player who plays for the Colorado Avalanche with a smile that he minds to ensure it doesn’t accidentally melt the Denver Rockies.

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 3. David Clarkson

Toronto’s bad boy hasn’t lived up to the impressive contract he garnered in the off-season, but his sexual appeal remains in the trillions.

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2. Patrick Sharp

Sharpie’s sexuality is razor-like, cutting into the soul’s of sexually-starved female hockey fans like a freshly-pierced ice blade. Patty Sharp has eyes that could could convince you to jump off a cliff, convert to Buddhism, or much more understandably, become a die-hard Blackhawks’ fan.

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1. Henrik Lundqvist

The reigning NHL sex symbol continues to be peppered with love-drunk women, facing more come-ons than a full regular season shot tally. King Henrik is not only the sexiest hockey player, but is the sexiest athlete competing in the year 2014.

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5. Patrick Kane

The All-American curly Sue has easily the most swagger in the league. Whether he’s rocking a ridiculous skullet or keeping his lettuce trim, Kane has more than just the state of Illinois taking a second glance.

4. Sidney Crosby

If you’re looking for a man that’s all business, look no further than Sid “not so much” the Kid anymore. The man exudes professionalism. Rumour has it that he wears a black tie and suit to bed. Even when he’s screaming “Fuck ya” after scoring another highlight-reel goal, he’ll be sure to charm the pants off your mother and your grandmother.

3. Joffrey Lupul

Many are curious as to how he has miraculously rescued his career after such a dismal past few seasons. The answer is simple; his green eyes contrast perfectly with the blue Maple Leaf in Toronto. Defensemen purposely allow him to blaze past them down the wing for fear of trying to sneak in a kiss when he looks up to make a play.

2. Sheldon Souray

The French/native hybrid is a tall, dark milkshake of female fantasy. He could easily beat up all your ex-boyfriends at the same time and would give your Dad a respectable fight in an arm-wrestling competition before gracefully and respectfully, bowing out.

1. Henrik Lundqvist

His flow of hair rivals the Mississippi River. The Swedish dreamboat is possibly the league’s best puck stopper, but he needs a fleet of clones to help him contend with the panties being thrown at him during the post-game festivities in New York.